just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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