this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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