Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
