I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
