those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
