Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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