from now on my penis is your penis
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
