conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize