well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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