i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
