Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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