hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What drink are we having for lunch?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
