WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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