I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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