Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
