even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
