Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
