did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
