I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
