i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
