a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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