Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
