I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize