Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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