1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
