she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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