In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
