so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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