Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
