At least make sure they are 18
Why
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
