I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
