What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
