I wish I could teleport
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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