we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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