How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
