dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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