So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
how does that bad decision feel?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
