im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
