Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
