I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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