i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
