My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
And then he peed in my hair
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