I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
