dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
