i think my tv is drunk
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
