Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
