That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
