absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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