Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
