Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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