imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
