Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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