omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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