I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize