i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
