I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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