People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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