you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
