So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
