I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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