there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
