you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
