I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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