what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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