What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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