Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
