Porn is love you can see.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize