You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
