im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
