just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
