we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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