it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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