i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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