We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
