Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
