I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
