that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
