The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
