i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have tasted many bathrooms
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
