fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize