he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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