At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
